MENTAL HEALTH: Five Reasons Why You Need To SAY The Emotion

by Alexis Rosendo

How do you feel? Right now? Take a moment to put an emotion to your current state. Do you feel anxious, or frustrated, confused, or calm? Knowing how you feel, and then being able to share that with others, is such a rare, valuable, and necessary skill! 

But why? Why does it matter if I know how I’m feeling in different moments? And why does it matter if I tell people? How does that change anything?

5 Reasons Why You Should SAY Your Emotion

• Increase your self awareness of your own emotional states. There are few things more powerful than knowledge. Knowledge and insight about yourself (that changes based on ever-evolving situations) is self-awareness. A lot of people lack self awareness, and it shows in their interactions, level of empathy and emotional intelligence. Saying your emotion is a great step towards becoming self-aware of your emotional state in the present moment and cluing in to how you are experiencing the world around you in any given moment. Self awareness is valuable because it helps you to connect with others, present yourself in the way you intend to, resist allowing an overwhelm of emotion to overtake and rule you, and self-soothe as often as is necessary. 
• Name it, claim it, tame it. Let’s get back to this self-soothing idea. When we NAME the emotion, and CLAIM it, we can TAME it. That is a catchy way of saying when I can put my finger on what’s going on with me emotionally and accept that, yes, this is actually an accurate and honest description of my emotional state, then and only then can I begin to resolve that emotion. Too often we can’t overcome an emotion because we don’t know what we are feeling and, even if we did, we would 100% deny that we were feeling it! It’s like when someone is feeling betrayed but can’t articulate that it’s betrayal (and not, say, anger or frustration) that they are feeling, AND are denying that anything is wrong at all. (“No, I’m fine, honest!”)They will have a very hard time working through that betrayal to regulate emotions back to a peaceful or neutral state. 

Too often we can’t overcome an emotion because we don’t know what we are feeling and, even if we did, we would 100% deny that we were feeling it!

• It connects you emotionally to others. This one is a BIG one. How often have we been insulted or felt unloveed because someone didn’t respond to our emotion in the correct way without realizing that we never actually SAID our emotion? Everyone at some time has been guilty of assuming others can read your mind and body language 100% correctly, at any given moment in time. This is NOT FAIR. Even if someone knows you and loves you, their own emotional and mental state can cloud their ability to accurately judge what’s happening internally for you, and also…they shouldn’t have to work that hard! Open your mouth, remove all doubt, and give people the information they need to love and care for you properly based on how you are feeling. There’s no guarantee they’ll do it perfectly, or that there will be a flawless emotional connection, but there is a greater chance of an unfulfilling emotional connection iF you say nothing. 
• It teaches and models other. We live and exist in community, and we are all flawed people who are trying to figure life out one day at a time. We are all growing! The great thing about this is that we learn from one another and can grow together. As you boldly say your emotion, it allows for conversation and connection that then teaches and models for others how to say their emotions. Can you imagine living in a world where we all actually said what we were feeling…no mind games, no assumptions, just honesty and transparency? Some things could go wrong, but a lot could go right. If you are hoping others would be more open with you, a big thing that’s within your control is first being open with them. 
• Disarms the emotion. Research shows that the emotions (and thoughts) that stay in our heads feel bigger, stronger, more daunting. Saying our emotion helps us to process the emotion on a deeper level and see it for what is really is, not a huge boogie monster in your head. I’ve had it happen before where something felt so scary in my mind but once I talked it aloud, I realized it was actually not that bad, not impossible, not the end of the world. The same happens with our emotions. Is being ANGRY really the end of the world? What’s the worst that can happen if you really are CONFUSED? Disarm your emotions, take away the power they don’t deserve, and gain perspective by saying them aloud. 

Full disclosure – there’s a reason why everyone you meet (or even everyone with whom you are in relationship) isn’t going around stating every emotion every day. IT’S HARD. It exposes us and makes us vulnerable. It’s scary. It is unpredictable how people will react to hearing our emotion. All of that is true and valid. It takes considerable courage to be real with yourself and others, so don’t feel bad if you struggle with this currently or have struggled with this for a long time. Take it one step at a time, maybe start with saying your emotion aloud to an empty room to let yourself get used to it before saying these emotions to others. Or maybe set the goal to say aloud one emotion per week to anyone, doesn’t matter who or where (tell a random person in the grocery store that you’re overwhelmed this week!). Wherever you start, you can make progress and you can build this skill. You can do it! 

Onward and upward!