Author: arosendo925

LIFE: Avoiding the Holiday Blues

arosendo925

by Alexis Rosendo

It shouldn’t surprise you at all to know that depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts increase significantly during the November and December holiday seasons. Yes — amidst the family pictures, winter cheer and gratitude prayers are an entire host of mental health symptoms threatening to overtake us. There are many reasons for this, among which are heightened interactions with extended family members, the loneliness of not having anyone with whom to celebrate, or the disappointment of ruined meals, cancelled flights and failed plans.

Whatever your holiday looks like, we are all united in the effort to make them a time of cherishing what is most important with the folks who are most important (or in honor of these folks) while ending the year on the most positive note possible.

Here are some universal tips for making that happen. Feel free to adjust to fit your specific need, situation, and ability. Happy holidays!

TIPS FOR AVOIDING THE HOLIDAY BLUES

  1. Choose peace. Peace is often the first to go whenever the distressing symptoms are on the way. Before we truly sink into the pit of anxiety, loneliness, or sadness, we experience the sensation of being devoid of peace, which only gets worse as the pit gets deeper. Choosing peace means making the decisions that give you the best outcome for peace within yourself (in your heart, mind, spirit and body) as well as peace with others. For example, if going to Thanksgiving dinner at grandma’s means you get into your yearly argument with your cousin over politics while your mom is policing your food to ensure you lose weight, maybe decline that invitation and plan to see/speak to grandma, mom and cousin on separate, less tense, occasions. If traveling by plane for Christmas with the in-laws means that your anxiety is sky-high for 3 days leading up to the flight and that you’ll be sick for 3 days after being in the airport, maybe travel by car, even if that means you can only stay 1 day instead of 2. Choose peace for your mind, body, soul and spirit with the decisions you make.
  2. Say what needs to be said. Advocate, advocate, advocate. Set boundaries, be honest, speak from the heart, resolve conflicts, say “no”, offer your best perspective, share your life with others, speak up when something offends, and actually answer when asked what you would like or prefer. Speak authentically. Don’t allow yourself to become bottled up with all the suggestions, comments, and responses you wish you had said but didn’t out of fear, insecurity or overthinking. There is freedom and satisfaction in having a voice and in making your presence known, wherever you are.
  3. Find balance between celebration and relaxation. For some, celebration means indulging in food, alcohol, social events, and entertainment. This is great fun, and a highlight of the year. To ensure you don’t crash hard from ‘too much of a good thing’, pace yourself, take breaks, and seek balance and moderation. Find a way to prioritize celebration and relaxation, whether by alternating days between attending events and staying in, or by splitting the day so that you counter a busy evening with a lazy morning. Monitor (or ask trusted loved ones to monitor) your quantity of consumption and scheduling to make sure you don’t overdo it or stretch yourself too thin. Rest when you feel tired, give space for recuperation.
  4. Pursue gratitude. We find what we seek; this is true. If you set your mind on finding something, anything, to be grateful for, you will find it — guaranteed. Gratitude works naturally to counteract distressing symptoms, especially sadness and anxiety. Gratitude reminds you that you are not alone, not forgotten, not in despair, and not without options. Gratitude breeds hope, which looks towards the future earnestly and with excitement. Ending a year thankful and appreciative AND beginning a new year with hope and excitement is the best possible outcome for the holiday season.

Choosing peace means making the decisions that give you the best outcome for peace within yourself (in your heart, mind, spirit and body) as well as peace with others.

The holiday blues CAN be overcome, but (as you can see) it takes a lot of intentionality, planning, and self awareness. Don’t be afraid to reach out to a loved one for accountability in applying these tips, or to reach out for professional help if the tips aren’t working and you feel yourself slipping into the aforementioned pit. The holidays are hard, and there is no shame in needing support. Find the resources you need, and don’t stop until you achieve the goals you have for yourself. You can do it.

Onward and upward!

MENTAL HEALTH: Is It Me…Or The Counselor??

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by Alexis Rosendo

How to Know When The Counselor Isn’t Providing Quality Service

  1. When you are being told what to do or decide (outside of emergency matters regarding safety), instead of being guided.
  2. When your counselor is preaching their views at you, not discussing your views with you.
  3. When you’re being given multiple resources or therapeutic homeworks that you don’t want nor find useful.
  4. When you find yourself feeling as if the sessions aren’t covering what you’d like to discuss, or that you and the counselor aren’t getting to the things that truly matter to you.
  5. When you feel pressured instead of comfortable, or judged instead of supported.
  6. When the counselor is sharing excessively and/or inappropriately about his or her own life.
  7. When sessions leave you feeling more confused or conflicted about yourself, your life and your decisions.
  8. When you aren’t sure how you have been helped or if you are making any progress.
  9. When you feel that it’s increasingly harder to trust the expertise of the counselor on matters of mental health and wellness.
  10. When you don’t feel respected or even liked as an individual and the expert on your own life.

If you’re thinking that the counselor isn’t providing good service, they probably aren’t.

It’s okay to say that the counseling isn’t working, or that the counselor’s approach isn’t a good fit for you, or that you and the counselor simply aren’t connecting. IT’S OKAY. Every counselor isn’t for everyone, nor should they try to be. Remember that it’s the counselor’s job to try to meet you where you are (not you contorting to fit them) and if the work to build rapport doesn’t work, it doesn’t have to be anyone’s fault.

If you were waiting on a sign, here it is! Respectfully terminate with your counselor and begin the search for one that meets your need, fits your personality, and makes you excited to work towards the healthier life you deserve. It can be hard or awkward to make this shift, but you (and your time, money, and future) are worth it.

Onward and upward!